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A Letter to the Newly Separated or Divorced

Dear Friend,

The day your marriage ends is officially the first day of the rest of your life. Whether you made the decision to end your relationship together, made it yourself, or had the decision made for you, the truth remains the same: Everything is different now, and from this point forward, you get to make your own choices.

My wise cousin told me, about a month into my separation, that my life hadn’t begun yet. Everything up until this point, she said, was about creating my daughter. Everything from this point forward is about creating my life. She was right. And I believe that’s true whether you’ve been married two years or twenty.

Today is the day you begin living for yourself. And, of course, your kids. Always put them first, and you’ll never make a wrong turn.

I’m not going to lie to you. This is going to be a hard road. At times, it will be incredibly liberating. Other times, it will be so effing miserable you will wonder if leaving was worth it. But you’ll know, even as you ask yourself that question, that it was. Absolutely, 100% worth it. You are brave. And, as they say, fortune favors the brave.

I have a lot of wishes for you. Things like confidence in yourself and your choices. The strength to not jump into another relationship until you learn how to be aloneFaith in yourself, your intuition, and a higher purpose. The ability to forgive and appreciate the gift that this experience is, no matter how awful it can be. And patience with the process, because it’s going to take awhile.

But you’re not ready to hear those things yet. This is your journey, and you won’t get to things like forgiveness until the very end.

Try your hardest to be patient. I know it is hard. It really is. But you can’t rush art, and that’s what this is. You are transforming yourself into something new and beautiful, and that takes time.

I have so much to say to you, but mostly, I just want to say this: Congratulations. Just by moving forward, you've taken the first step of a long journey, and I know you can finish it. Keep your head up. I’m on the other side now, and I can tell you this: it’s worth it.  

Love,
Sara 

Sara Olsher

Sara Olsher

Sara Olsher is the Founder + CEO of Mighty + Bright. She's a young cancer survivor, mom, and former single mom.

4 Responses

susjean

susjean

July 02, 2020

BRAVO!!!!

Rachel

Rachel

July 02, 2020

Thank you! This is beautiful. I am near the end of my divorce proceedings, after having been separated for over a year, and I have a 3yr old child. It’s comforting to see someone else taking a similar approach to the situation, and enlightening to see a few new ideas I can try out. The hardest for me – accepting help.

Lynnee

Lynnee

July 02, 2020

What a powerful post. I have some dear friends that could use this right now. Thank you for sharing.

Grace

Grace

July 02, 2020

Sara,
I am on the brink of leaving my abusive partner and heading out on my own with my 15-month-old daughter. I’m also a positive parenting advocate, I’m a graphic designer by trade, and I have red hair too! I feel like we might be sisters from another mother. 🙂

Thank you so much for this encouraging letter. This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life and it’s so encouraging to see others in similar situations who are thriving.

Best wishes to you and yours!

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