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Episode 36: Why is it hard to ask for help?

This month, we're talking about accepting help and coping with pity. Why do we have such a hard time accepting help?


[00:00:00] Today, I'm continuing the conversation about pity, and about not wanting to accept help because we don't want pity. As a refresher, the reason I'm talking about this is because it seems to be a hot topic in communities where people are dealing with difficult things.

[00:00:21] *So* many people do not want to accept help when they're in the middle of something difficult because they say they don't want to accept pity. They don't want people to pity them.

[00:00:34] Today I want to talk about why we don't want to accept help. I think there are many reasons, but most often I think it's a wall we put up to protect ourselves because we think people will see us as weak if we need help, and we don't want to be weak. We know we can do things on our own, and to have people help us makes us feel like we can't.

[00:01:04] It's terrifying to accept help and to feel like we can't do it on our own, but in reality, strength doesn't *mean* doing it on our own. This might be the American values of independence, but the reality is we were built to be in families. We were built to be in villages, and we were built to support one another. That's the basis of joy. It's the basis of peace. It's the basis of comfort. And many of us have built these walls around ourselves where we feel like we have to do everything ourselves. And really, it is a gift to be able to accept other people's help. And it is a gift not just to us, but to our family and to our children, because we are allowing them to have other people in their lives who can provide support. No one is able to do everything by themselves. And the wonderful feeling that comes from being surrounded by people who truly care is something that we can only experience if we allow others in.

[00:02:27] So I want you to think about why you feel strength is doing it alone. Yes, in many cases, you can do it on your own. You can do everything. You are smart enough and you are strong enough to figure it out. But that doesn't mean that you should have to.

[00:02:57] Why can't it just be a little bit easier?

[00:03:00] It's actually really a wonderful gift to be able to help someone else. It makes us feel good. And so by not accepting that help, you're basically robbing the other person of the experience of helping.

[00:03:17] Sometimes, the reason we are not accepting the help is because we're terrified that will be a burden. And somewhere deep in our hearts, we believe that we are not worthy of other people's care.

[00:03:33] Do you believe that you're a burden?

[00:03:37] Do you believe that you aren't worthy of other people's care?

[00:03:43] I just want to share with you that you are worthy of other people's care and you are not a burden.

[00:03:54] You are not a burden.

[00:03:57] You are worthy of other people's care and love.

[00:04:03] I really want you to feel that. You are worthy of other people's care and love, and you are not a burden.

[00:04:14] You were not put here on this earth to give and give and give and never receive.

[00:04:22] You were put here to be a part of the cycle of giving and receiving, and when you don't allow people to give because you refuse to receive, you're blocking that flow. And girl, that's not cool. (I say, girl, but you could be a guy, ha.)

[00:04:43] It's not cool, you have to accept help because you have to allow other people to give. It is everybody's desire to give, not just yours.

[00:05:01] You are strong. Whether you accept help or not. You can do it on your own, but you probably shouldn't.

[00:05:11] And that is what I would like to leave you with today.