What does it mean to "receive" help versus "take" it? To me, the difference is all in the way you approach people. In this short episode, I share a simple mind shift that might just make it easier for you to accept help.
Something I'm going to need to talk about ad nauseum — because I think we need to hear it over and over again — is that you need to allow yourself to receive help. I have always been really bad at this.
I think I especially got bad at it when I was a single parent, because I got used to doing everything myself and I did not want to feel like a burden to other people. And that feeling of being a burden as a really, really tough one. Because I think as people, what we care about more than anything is belonging and feeling lovable. And when you take from people, it feels really just bad. It feels like you are a burden to them.
But there's a difference between allowing yourself to receive and taking. I want you to really think about that the next time somebody offers to do something for you. Because when someone is offering to do something for you, all you have to do is receive. You don't have to do anything — You just say, "yes, please, that would be wonderful!" And then be grateful for what they have done.
Taking is like stealing. It's like taking something from somebody who doesn't want to give it. When someone is offering to help you, they *want* to help you. You shutting them down robs them of the opportunity to help and to give . . . Versus taking, which is forcing them to do something that they don't want to do. Does that make sense?
It's all about the energy that you approach it with. If you are being greedy and taking advantage of someone, that is a very different situation than someone offering to do something and you saying yes.
Now, what happens if you're in a situation where you are completely overwhelmed and you don't know how to get help? Can you ask for help and then receive it? Or if you are asking for help, are you then forcing people to do something they don't want to do, and then that's "taking?"
I'm going to answer that for you: No!
Friend, asking for what you need is totally a skill you need to have, because you are worth helping and you have friends that WANT to help but maybe don't know how. So putting out a call and just saying, "hey, would it be a problem for you to pick up my kid and take him to his softball lesson when you are on your way there to drop your own kid off?" And they can say, "oh, I can't do it today", and that's fine. Then you don't guilt trip them. That would be taking! Taking is saying, "really? I just don't know what I'm going to do. My life is so hard." And then the person's like, "oh I guess. Yeah, OK, I can do it. I can do it." That's taking.
Asking for help and saying, "hey, do you mind doing this?" And then they're like, "of course! That's no problem at all!" That is receiving. That is asking for help and allowing yourself to receive it.
So I'm not sure if this makes sense to you and if you would like to talk more about it, I would love to, because this is a subject I think the vast majority of us really, really struggle with. Feel free - let's have a conversation about it! I'm on Instagram. Feel free to DM me. I'm @mightyandbrightco, so I hope we can have a chat about this. Because allowing yourself to receive versus taking? It's a tough one.